Why I Decided to (Re)Marry Jesus (30 Days of Mostly Silence-Day 5)

I got married yesterday.

That’s me above, on the right, reciting my vows (don’t worry, it was a silent recitation–this is, after all, a silent retreat).

The ceremony took place at the outdoor chapel of the Memphis Botanical Gardens.

It was actually a spur of the minute kind of thing.  Impulsive.  Rash.

But, honestly, I couldn’t help myself.

I’m five days in to a thirty day span of mostly silence.  And for three of those days my spiritual director has asked me to meditate on John 15 (especially vv. 9-13) and a love poem to Jesus called The Spiritual Canticle.

After such extended time in these two texts which speak of Jesus’ love for us and of our love for Jesus, I came to a realization.  I love Jesus.  But I’m not in love with Jesus.  He’s become a big brother to me.  He’s my hero.  He’s my inspiration.  His teaching guides me.  His example motivates me.  I love him.  But I’m not in love with him.

And when Jesus says in John 15, “make yourself at home in my love,” I think he means more than what I’ve offered/experienced.  I’m pretty sure I’ve made myself at home in Jesus’ house of teaching.  I’m certain I’ve made myself at home in his house of how-to-live. And I know I’ve visited his house of love.  But I don’t think I’ve ever really moved in.  I’m not sure I’ve done more than just stop by.

So, I’ve decided to move  in to Jesus’ house of love.  And that started yesterday with a hastily put together wedding ceremony.  As I walked through the botanical gardens I found myself at the outdoor chapel where I had performed a wedding last summer for a wonderful couple.  And I was moved to renew my vows to Jesus.  Not merely vows of a disciple pledging loyalty to a mentor.  Not merely vows of a student pledging obedience to a teacher.  But vows of a lover.  Vows of one enamored with Jesus.  Vows of one who wants to obey what may be the most neglected command of Jesus’ in my life: “Make yourselves at home in my love.” (Jn. 15:9 The Message).