In her book Suffering and the Heart of God, Diane Langberg writes that in the journey of grief, we spend time in a number of “villages.” How long each person stays in each village, what order the visits to the villages follow, and whether each village is visited or not depend a great deal upon the griever. Each person’s experience of grief is unique. But, she proposes, most will have some experience with at least some of these villages.
Village One: Shock and Denial. Here, people feel numb. They have difficulty absorbing the new reality. They can only take in truth little by little. They often sit and stare with no idea of the passing of time.
Village Two: Body. Here, grief takes physical form. Chest pains, difficulty breathing, racing heart, hollow stomach, sweaty palms, disrupted eating and sleeping patterns are experienced. Grief is manifested in the body.
Village Three: Anger. Here, Sadness, disappointment, hurt and fear are responded to by anger. It may be directed at the person at the self, at the one who is gone, at those responsible for the pain, or at God.
Village Four: Hopelessness. Once here, a person feels sad and without hope. They have difficulty getting up from bed and running their normal lives. Sorrow takes over and swallows everything up.
Village Five: New Beginnings. Here, the person begins to look out and up rather than just down and in. They are surprised to find that life goes on. They begin to reconnect. Grief remains, but it is no longer swallowing them up.
Langberg says that all of the villages have this common task: “learning to let go, learning to live without what once was, learning to wear something that feels like it does not fit.”
As we move through this Covid-19 crisis, this model may be helpful. You may experience one or more of these villages. It’s illuminating to see this as a process, a journey. It’s enlightening to see that while your experience may be unique, you may also share some things in common with others who suffer. And, it’s comforting to realize how this journey typically ends–with new beginnings.
