“We swim in the cultural waters of narcissism, and churches are not immune…Ministry leaders and churches are obsessively preoccupied with their reputation, influence, success, rightness, progressiveness, relevance, platform, affirmation and power.”
Therapist and professor of pastoral care Chuck DeGroat reaches this conclusion in his book When Narcissism Comes to Church. In his counseling practice and research DeGroat finds that narcissism is a particularly deadly contagion within the church. His counseling slots are filled with church leaders and church members who have been abused by self-centered, power hungry and controlling Christians obsessively preoccupied with their own plans.
This contemporary diagnosis aligns with a similar diagnosis made in the 12th century. In his book On the Love of God, Bernard of Clairvaux wrote about four stages we grow through as we journey with God in life. The first stage is this:
“love of self for self’s sake.”
Sadly, it’s a stage many Christians and churches never grow beyond. Much of what we do is for our own good. Religion just becomes a cover under which we can continue to pursue our dreams and desires even at the cost of neglecting or abusing others.
This was the malady Paul addressed early in Christian history when he wrote this warning:
3 Don’t do anything for selfish purposes, but with humility think of others as better than yourselves. 4 Instead of each person watching out for their own good, watch out for what is better for others. 5 Adopt the attitude that was in Christ Jesus (Phil. 2:3-5 CEB)
Even in its early days, the church struggled with living for selfish purposes and watching out for its own good.
Today, this narcissism and self-centeredness plays itself out in numerous ways within the church. Historian and author, Jemar Tisby, in The Color of Compromise, writes about ways the predominantly white church has been and remains complicit in racism, in large part, because this served the church’s interests. It was a narcissistic move. In “The Quiet Power of Humility,” author Peter Wehner writes
“what should rank as one of the more ironic facts of modern politics, prominent Christian leaders and a record number of self-proclaimed evangelical voters supported or president a man of undisguised cruelty and unmatched narcissism.”
Our political moves, especially, can be driven by desires that fit our personal good rather than the public good.
This is one of the reasons Paul calls for Christlike humility, a call issued by others who came after him. In the sixth century AD, a man named Benedict wrote his most important contribution to spiritual cartography. He said the most important location to move toward is this: humility. In his “Rule of Benedict” he pictures humility as a ladder with twelve rungs. For Benedict, humility represented a consuming attention to the worth and needs of others. It was his way of saying that “Love of God” is not our only destination–so is “Love of Neighbor.” It was his way of saying that selfishness can never characterize followers of Jesus. Only selflessness.
Benedictine scholar Joan Chittister explains that Benedict wrote about this ladder of humility with a specific context in mind. In the Roman Empire, in which Benedict lived …
“the helpless were being destroyed by the warlike; the rich lived on the backs of the poor; the powerful few made decisions that profited them but plunged the powerless many into continual chaos” (76-77 The Rule of Benedict).
Power, control and narcissism fueled this injustice and inequity. Humility was its antidote. Joan Chittister writes,
“When we make ourselves God, no one else in the world is safe in our presence. Humility, in other words, is the basis for right relationships in life.” (77, The Rule of Benedict)
This humility was to pervade our daily life. It was not just to be something we practiced on Sundays. Benedict’s ladder culminated with this final step:
“The twelfth step of humility is that a monk always manifest humility in bearing no less than in his heart, so that it is evident at the Work of God, in oratory, the monastery or the garden, on a journey or in the field, or anywhere else…”
This radical concern for others was to characterize our life every moment in every place we found ourselves on the map.
This way of framing “Love of Neighbor” feels especially important today. We still live in a world in which “the powerful few make decisions that profit them but plunge the powerless many into continual chaos.” We still experience the tragic truth that “when we make ourselves God, no one else in the world is safe in our presence.”
My friend Cheryl, pastor at New Heritage Fellowship in TX, writes that one of the questions most needed today is this:
“What’s it like for you?”
It’s a question that validates someone else’s experience as equally important as my own. It’s a question that refuses to see my experience as normative. It’s a question that communicates seeing and hearing someone besides myself. It’s a question of humility, refusing to make ourselves God, refusing to use power over others.
In her book White Fragility author and consultant Robin DeAngelo writes that “racial humility”–a posture of ongoing learning, a belief that my experience as a white male is not normative, my commitment to validating the experiences of people of color–is a key to overcoming racist beliefs and behaviors.
All of this is why it is so important to have the right goal in mind as people who are journeying with Jesus. Not only is the goal “love of neighbor,” it is a love of neighbor that is incarnated in humility. Too often, sadly, Christians and churches have pursued love of neighbor in ways that are self-serving. Christ’s call is to love neighbor in ways that put neighbor first.
