Prayer from Michel Quoist

French priest Michel Quoist writes this painfully transparent prayer in his book “Prayers”:

I heard a priest, one who lived the Gospel, preach the Gospel. The humble, the poor, were carried away, The prominent, the wealthy, were shocked. And I thought that such preaching of the Gospel would soon frighten away many of those now filling the church, and attract those now shunning it. It occurred to me that it is a bad sign for a follower of Christ to be well thought of by conventional “Christians.” Rather, it would be better if they pursued us, signed petitions against us, tried to get rid of us.

This evening, Lord, I am afraid. I am afraid, for you Gospel is terrible. It is easy to hear it preached, It is relatively easy not to be shocked by it, But it is very difficult to live it.

I am afraid of deluding myself, Lord. I am afraid of being satisfied with my decent little life, I am afraid of my good habits, for I take them for virtues; I am afraid of my little efforts, for I take them for progress; I am afraid of my activities; they make me think I am giving myself. I am afraid of my clever planning; I take it for success. I am afraid of my influence; I imagine that it will transform lives; I am afraid of what I give; it hides what I withold;  I am afraid, Lord; there are people who are poorer than I; Not so well educated, housed, heated, fed, cared for, loved. I am afraid, Lord, for I do not do enought for them, I do not do everything for them.

I should give everything. I should give everything until there is not a single pain, a single misery, a single sin in the world. I should then give all, Lord, all the time. I should give my life.

Lord, it is not true, is it? Your commmand is not for everyone- I am exaggerating; I must be sensible!