How to Love Like That

Two types of people inspire me.

I’m inspired by those who are so devout and heavenly-minded that I look at them and say, “I wish I knew God like that!” I think of friends like Randy, Earl, Gary and Jackie who spend long seasons in prayer and are able sense God’s presence and guidance in most moments of life.

I’m also inspired by those who are so compassionate and earthly-minded that I look at them and say, “I wish I could love like that.” I think of friends who ministered in the slums of Juarez, Mexico. More than 100,000 residents of Juarez live in poverty. Many live in shacks. Some live in garbage. The violence and poverty of the city has been highlighted once again through the FX series “The Bridge.” When I lived in NM, I had friends who would serve the poorest of the poor in that city.

Jesus said these two types of people exemplified the core of Christianity. Loving God. Loving neighbor. Vertical. Horizontal. I’m inspired by people who manage to live out one or both of those commands at their highest levels.

And sometimes when we feel the gap between where we are and where they are, it’s not inspiration we feel. It’s desperation.

I had lunch earlier this week with a long-time friend. “I want to go deeper with God,” he said. “It’s time for me to take the next step.” Perhaps like him, sometimes you feel that vertical desperation. You wish you could take another step in knowing God like some of the most devout people you know.

I met this week with another long-time friend. “I just feel useless,” she said. “I wish I could make a real difference in the lives of others.” Perhaps like her, sometimes you feel  that horizontal desperation. You wish you could take another step in loving others like some of the most compassionate people you know.

Is there someone you look at and say, “I wish I could love like that?” A parent who loves her kids like you’d like to love yours. A spouse who loves his wife like you’d like to love yours. A neighbor who loves his neighbors like you’d like to love yours. A student who loves her classmates like you’d like to love yours.

In his Sermon on the Mount, Jesus raises the bar high when it comes to horizontal love. Jesus reaches the apex when he preaches this: “You have heard that it was said, ‘You shall love your neighbor and hate your enemy.’ But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…'” (Matt. 5:43-44). Apparently some had come along and modified the Old Testament call to love neighbor.  “Neighbor,” they said,”doesn’t mean those nasty, no-good people. Neighbor means people like you. People you’ve got reason to love.  Those other people? It’s OK to detest them.” And don’t forget-spiritual people were the ones making that argument.

It was loophole theology. Sure, love your neighbor. But if they get too hard to love, they’re no longer you’re neighbor.

Jesus, however, believed we were destined for more. He believed humanity was made for something better. He believed we were designed for a horizontal love that blew right past those limits. So Jesus said, “But I say to you, Love your enemies…” Not just the poorest of the poor. Not just the hurting and helpless. Not just the coworker or classmate who reciprocates your love. Jesus envisioned a community of people so committed to outrageous love that they were willing even to show love to those most undeserving of love.

But the question is this: How do you get there from here? How do I not only get to the point that I’m consistent and generous with the love I demonstrate to my family and friends, but to the point that I’m unreasonably loving to those who deserve nothing but wrath and revenge?

How does a human like me grow a heart like a Nelson Mandela, demonstrating kindness to the cruel?

Jesus points to one of the secrets: “But I say to you, Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you…” Intercessory prayer is what leads ultimately to a greater love for others.

Jesus modeled this. One of his most powerful prayers was an intercessory prayer for the unlovable: “Father, forgive them for they know not what they do.” (Lk. 23:34). The more we learn to intercede for hurtful people, the more our heart grows in love for them. Jesus, of course, already had a heart filled with love. This love overflowed into a remarkable intercessory prayer. But the reverse is also true. As we pray remarkable intercessory prayers, our hearts fill with love.

Perhaps that’s why Jesus practiced and modeled intercessory prayer in his final hours with his disciples. According to John, Jesus showed the full extent of his love to his disciples in Jn. 13-17. How did Jesus do this? He washed their feet. He promised them the Spirit. And he prayed the longest intercessory prayer in Scripture. Intercessory prayer is how we both express love for others and experience deeper love for others.

Detrick Bonhoeffer knew this. Though had more reasons than most to hate, he called for intercessory prayer as a way of enlarging our hearts. “A Christian community either lives by the intercessory prayers of its members for one another, or the community will be destroyed. I can no longer condemn or hate other Christians for whom I pray, no matter how much trouble they cause me. In intercessory prayer the face that may have been strange and intolerable to me is transformed into the face of one for whom Christ died, the face of a pardoned sinner. That is a blessed discovery for the Christian who is beginning to offer intercessory prayer for others. As far as we are concerned, there is no dislike, no personal tension, no disunity or strife that cannot be overcome by intercessory prayer. Intercessory prayer is the purifying bath into which the individual and the community must enter every day.”

Want to love like that? Learn to pray like that.