Beloved

“… to all who are beloved of God in Rome” (Rom. 1:7 NASB)

How do you see yourself?

For several years, as part of training new spiritual directors, I lead cohorts in a self-perception exercise. It comes months in, after we’ve gotten to know each other pretty well. Participants write down words or phrases that, to them, capture how they see each of the other members of the cohort. Each participant also writes words or phases they’d use to describe themselves. Then, one by one, each participant listens as the others verbalize the words and phrases they’ve written down to describe that person. And, inevitably, tears flow. Tears of joy. As the person listens to how the others see them, they are often overwhelmed. They’ve often undervalued themselves in significant ways. And for some it’s one of the rare times in life when others have helped them see themselves for who they truly are.

How do you see yourself?

“Remember this: There are some terrible times coming in the last days. 2 People will love only themselves and money.” (2 Tim. 3:1-2 ERV)

Sometimes we hear texts like this and it seems to reinforce negative self-perceptions. If there’s one thing we’re sure of, it’s that we are not supposed to love ourselves. And so, in the name of God, we often hate ourselves.

But, importantly, one of the most used words to describe us in the New Testament is the word “beloved.” It’s used more than sixty times in the New Testament. It’s used nearly ten times as a label for Jesus. Hear and see some of these moments:

21 Now when all the people were baptized, and when Jesus also had been baptized and was praying, the heavens were opened, 22 and the Holy Spirit descended in a bodily form like a dove on Him, and a voice came from heaven which said, “You are My beloved Son. In You I am well pleased.” (Lk. 3:21-22 MEV)

5 But even as he said it, a bright cloud came over them, and a voice from the cloud said, “This is my beloved Son, and I am wonderfully pleased with him. Obey him.” (Matt. 17:5 TLB)

Jesus is God’s beloved child. Dearly and deeply loved. Henri Nouwen comments,

These words revealed the true identity of Jesus as the beloved. Jesus truly heard that voice, and all of his thoughts, word, and actions came forth from his deep knowledge that he was infinitely loved by God. Jesus lived his life from that inner place of love. Although human rejections, jealousies, resentments, and hatred did hurt him deeply, he remained always anchored in the love of the Father.

Of course, it’s easy to see Jesus as God’s beloved. Isn’t it? I mean, just look at him. His holiness. His courage. His compassion. His healings and exorcisms and teachings. It’s easy to write books of words or phrases about him that can all be summed up in “beloved.”

And that makes it all the more amazing that the same word is used to describe us. We don’t love like Jesus. We don’t heal like Jesus. We don’t preach like Jesus. But we are beloved–just like Jesus. And yet, we are also called beloved:

Therefore be imitators of God, as beloved children. (Eph. 5:1 ESV)

We are, simply, God’s beloved. Just like Jesus. More than fifty times the New Testament places this label with great care upon people like us. Ordinary. Flawed. Struggling people. 

• It’s granted to the Romans, struggling with racism (Rom 1:7). 
• It’s placed on the Corinthians, even as they wrestle with sexual sin (1Cor. 4:14). 
• It’s applied to the Philippians who are tolerating infighting (Phil. 2:12). 
• The Thessalonians are called “beloved” in the midst of great loss (1 Thess. 2:8.) 
• Timothy is called beloved even though he is timid and fearful (2 Tim. 1:2). 
• James calls his readers “beloved” even as they fall prey to a classism that favored the wealthy (James. 2:5). 
• Peter’s readers are described in this way while they walk through suffering (1 Pet. 4:12).

Again and again, we are called beloved. Though our lives may not merit it, though our circumstances cause us to doubt it, we are, first and foremost beloved of God. Henri Nouwen comments: 

Who am I? I am the beloved. That’s the voice Jesus heard when he came out of the Jordan River…Jesus listened to that voice all the time, and he was able to walk right through life…He clung to that voice. There are many other voices speaking–loudly: “Prove that you are the beloved.” “Prove you’re worth something.” “Prove you have any contribution to make.”…These voices are so strong in this world. These were the voices Jesus heard right after he heard “You are my beloved.”…Jesus said, “No, I don’t have to prove anything. I am already the beloved.”…If you keep that in mind, you can deal with an enormous amount of success as well as an enormous amount of failure without losing your identity, because your identity is that you are the beloved. Long before your father and mother, your brothers and sisters, your teachers, your church, or any people touched you in a loving as well as in a wounding way–long before you were rejected by some person or praised by somebody else–that voice has been there always.

It’s often hard for us to fully accept this word for ourselves.

In her book Pilgrimage of a Soul, Philena Heuertz writes of going on pilgrimage on the El Camino del Santiago. During her journey, she experienced what she describes as an “awakening.” All her life, religious and cultural and internal voices had stripped her of worth and value. But she began to see herself through God’s eyes. These words from Marriane Williamson spoke loudly to her:

Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won’t feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It’s not just in some of us, it’s in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.”

Heuertz came to understand that there are two great sins: pride and self-abnegation. Pride is associated with a superiority complex. Self-abnegation is associated with an inferiority complex. And while many struggle with pride, far too many also struggle with self-abnegation–refusing to see themselves through God’s loving eyes. Often, self-abnegation is viewed as a virtue and is pressed upon others by those in power. The result is people who never take time to care for themselves, always live with feelings of self-worthlessness, and never achieve their true created potential. We put on masks and pretend to be who we are not, believing others will like the false self we’ve created rather than the true self God created. 

Today, let go of that sin of self-abnegation. See yourself as your Abba sees you. Be you and fully you and no one else. Resist every cultural, religious and internal voice that says you are somehow not enough or somehow not worthwhile. You are God’s beloved. You are meant to shine. Your playing small does not serve the world.

Caring for yourself is not selfish. Providing for your needs is not sinful. Ensuring your voice is heard isn’t prideful. Loving yourself, for God’s sake, is, instead, a measure of great spiritual maturity. Your well-being should matter to you, because it matters to God. Get out of toxic relationships and environments. Protect yourself from abusive people and institutions. Establish rhythms of self-care physically, emotionally, spiritually and mentally. Find a therapist. Connect with a spiritual director. Schedule a visit with a doctor. Make and keep supportive friends. Listen to inspiring music. Eat amazing food. Get out and run or walk. Take a nap. Read. Rest. Renew. Put loving yourself back on the map.

In Beloved,  Toni Morrison’s character Baby Suggs calls for self-love:

“In this here place, we flesh; flesh that weeps, laughs; flesh that dances on bare feet in grass. Love it. Love it hard. Yonder they do not love your flesh. They despise it. 

They don’t love your eyes; they’d just as soon pick em out. No more do they love the skin on your back. Yonder they flay it. 

And O my people they do not love your hands. Those they only use, tie, bind, chop off and leave empty. Love your hands! Love them. Raise them up and kiss them. Touch others with them, pat them together, stroke them on your face ’cause they don’t love that either. You got to love it, you! 

And no, they ain’t in love with your mouth. Yonder, out there, they will see it broken and break it again. What you say out of it they will not heed. What you scream from it they do not hear. What you put into it to nourish your body they will snatch away and give you leavins instead. No, they don’t love your mouth. You got to love it. 

This is flesh I’m talking about here. Flesh that needs to be loved. Feet that need to rest and to dance; backs that need support; shoulders that need arms, strong arms I’m telling you.

You are beloved. You deserve to be loved. Love yourself as God loves you.